Jokes for all
Feel free to browse the collection of tall tales, yarns and downright lies. They are all family safe - the test I apply is "would I tell this to someone's grandmother?" If no, I don't use it. (That doesn't mean i don't appreciate a dirty joke, but I don't think they're appropriate for broadcast on the radio - you never know who is listening or how old they are or what their attitudes to dirty jokes amounts to. )
Ethnic
An American intending to visit ireland was advised by a friend that Guinness tasted better the nearer one got to the source and even mentioned a particular hotel bar in a posh Dublin suburb where the pint was unsurpassed. The American sought out this shrine and put the theory to the test. His friend had not deceived him. The stuff was nectar itself. Another pint reinforced this high opinion. He absorbed one more and finally one for the road. Then he stepped happily forth to explore the neighbourhood.
It was clear that only the 'creme de la creme' lived there in large houses protected from the vulgar gaze of the hoi polloi by high hedges electronically controlled gates and closed circuit TV.
Then he realised he had consumed four pints and what goes in must come out. He should have visited the gents before leaving the hotel.The suburb was too upmarket for anythig so common as a public toilet. The more he thought about it the worse his predicament became. Then his eye fell on a pathway between two houses flanked on one side by a high wall. There wasn't a soul in sight. He slipped down the path and was just about to solve his problem when the large and disapproving shadow of a Garda fell accross him for it is a gift of policemen to appear like magic at the wrong moment. "Its an offence to do that in public" he told the tourist severely.
"Well it's like this officer" the contrite tourist explained. " I had four pints of your wonderful black beer and I guess I should have visited the men's room before I came out but I didn't think...."
" Say no more" the Garda said. " Follow me" And he led the visitor to an almost invisible door in the wall, keyed a number into a keypad and invited him to step inside. The tourist found himself in a huge garden with gushing fountains immaculate flower beds and statues all round.
" Anywhere you like" the Garda said and discreetly withdrew. The grateful and relieved American emerged a few minutes later. "I really appreciate that officer" he said "That's real Irish Hospitality." " No sir" the Garda replied. "That's the British Embassy."
