Jokes for all

Feel free to browse the collection of tall tales, yarns and downright lies.   They are all family safe - the test I apply is "would I tell this to someone's grandmother?"  If no,  I don't use it.     (That doesn't mean i don't appreciate a dirty joke,  but I don't think they're appropriate for broadcast on the radio - you never know who is listening or how old they are or  what their attitudes to dirty jokes amounts to. )

RED SKELTON'S -TIPS FOR A HAPPY MARRIAGE

  1. Two times a week, we go to a nice restaurant, have a little beverage,good food and companionship. She goes on Tuesdays, I go on Fridays.
  2. We also sleep in separate beds. Hers is in Calif. and mine is in Texas.
  3. I take my wife everywhere.....but she keeps finding her way back.
  4. I asked my wife where she wanted to go for our anniversary. "Somewhere I haven't been in a long time!" she said. So I suggested the kitchen.
  5. We always hold hands. If I let go, she shops.
  6. She has an electric blender, electric toaster and electric bread maker.She said "There are too many gadgets and no place to sit down!" So I bought  her an electric chair.
  7. My wife told me the car wasn't running well because there was water in the carburetor. I asked where the car was; she told me "In the lake."
  8. She got a mud pack and looked great for two days. Then the mud fell off.
  9. She ran after the garbage truck, yelling "Am I too late for the garbage?" The driver said "No, jump in!"
  10. Remember: Marriage is the number one cause of divorce.
  11. I married Miss Right. I just didn't know her first name was Always.
  12. I haven't spoken to my wife in 18 months. I don't like to interrupt her.
  13. The last fight was my fault though. My wife asked "What's on the TV?" I said "Dust!"

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