After the brief Falkland Islands war, a British regiment commander was addressing some troops under his command who had heroically performed above and beyond the call of duty. He informed them that Her Majesty's Army had committed to reward each of the three soldiers 100 pounds per inch of distance between two different parts of the man's body.

The commander addressed the first soldier, "Where would you like to be measured, Sergeant?"

"From the tip of me head to the soles of me feet, Sir!" he replied.

"Very good!," the commander said, and the sergeant was measured at 6'5." He was paid the handsome sum of 7000 pounds.

The second soldier was asked, "What about you, Corporal?"

"Between the tips of the fingers of me outstretched arms, Sir!" the corporal said.

"Very good!" replied the commander. The corporal, a man of considerable wingspan, was rewarded 8000 quid.

Finally, the last soldier was addressed. "And you, Private, where would you like measured?"

"From the belly button to the top of my privates Sir!" retorted the private.

The commander replied, "I must admit this is quite an unusual request, Private, but it's your decision." He ordered the soldier to drop his pants for the ensuing measurement. Immediately the general's mouth fell agape and he stammered, "Where in God's name is it, Private?!!"

The private proclaimed, "Goose Green, Falkland Islands, Sir!!"